Humbling Myself

Something I have realized in the past few months was how much I still have to learn. It's nice really, I know that sounds funny but it's nice. I don't feel like I need to know the answer, I need to learn. I'm realizing the weight and the responsibility of discipleship and its showing me how young I am and how much i have to learn. I'm young and although my life has given me wisdom beyond m age there is still much wisdom to be gained. I see that I hold myself to the standard of perfection allot and it makes it hard to be okay with failure. Failure is a important part of learning and most of the time necessary for growth. This comforts my heart and reminds me that I'm young. As much as I look forward to the later days of my ministry when I can take all that I have been given and greatly impact for the kingdom making disciples and ministering like my disciplers but I see that I have much experience to gain and I am content in learning. David didnt take his kingdom right away he has to learn and be built up in his faith. So like my biblical hero I will learn and embrace the building of my faith, and hopefully one day be a great impact for the kingdom, and a valuable man in the eyes of the Lord.

    

just a small poem

I open this door and walk through

I look and the door is closed

I reach out and try to open it again 

I twist and push but its locked

I cant go back?

Then I had a peaceful thought

Why do I need to go back?

This path is the way I need to go

Why do I need to back?

This is the way I have chosen 

This is the way I have been taken

This is the way I need

This is the way this is the life

I need not go back 

Confirmation

So for a while now I have been praying about the direction Ashley and I were going to take in living our lives together for Christ. What I mean is what were we going to do? were we going to stay in the states with Off the Wall making disciples, or were we goin to Guatemala and the Liga de Vida Nueva (New Life children's home) to disciple the children there... both options were glorifying to God, both are lead by the command of Jesus to go forth and make disciples(The Great Commission Mathew 28:16-20) and both options are good (really there are three options because God could take us anywhere He wants and that could be neither of these options but that's a whole other topic of discernment.) As I was seeking an answer in this decision I was making sure that I wasn't choosing an option because it was the easiest or simply what I or Ashley wanted to do. I didn't want to stay here simply because I was comfortable here and I didn't want to go to Guatemala simply because that's what she planned on before we got together, (I didn't want to go there to just make her happy, because then my heart wouldn't be in it) to go to Guatemala Jesus would have to break my heart for those kids because although I have a passion for kids and missions I didn't break for these kids and I had an attachment here in the US. . We are becoming one so everything changes now, our previous commitments change, and our previous plans that we may have had for our lives change. We needed to find out now how we are going to best serve God together. We needed to find out how to have a united ministry. Through prayer and much Godly counsel and discussion it came down to these options; serving God here in the US making disciples, or going to Guatemala and serving the children's home and disciplining the children and people there.

So this past week I attended "Mosaic" a young adult bible group where we come together to read the Word and be challenged. That night I was asked to help lead worship, Josh was playing the guitar and I was playing the cajon. So things started off normal we sang and worshiped and then Don came up to lead the discussion/message. The topic for the night was Discipleship, after showing a video Don got up and prayed to start things off. After he started with a question like "do you ever feel like all you hear is the pain of this world?" then something took him and he began to break down and cry, as I sat I began to cry with him. He collected himself and prayed a few more times, then asked what are we doing about it? Are we disciples? Do we act like it? he began to cry again. As I began to cry again all I could see was a child standing before me. The child and I were standing in the dirt and the child was looking up at me and smiling. I bent down to the child and put my hands on his shoulders looked into his little eyes and said "I want to help make you more like Christ, I Love you." And I had children around me and I wanted to disciple them. My heart broke for these kids and somehow I knew that this represented the children in Guatemala. My heart was broken for these kids that I have only heard about and I wanted to help them, I wanted to invest in their lives and teach them how to be godly. Don collected himself finished his lesson with the Great Commission. Josh and I went up to finish up the night with a song and we sang "With Everything" and my heart just continued to break. By then end of the song all I could do was sit on my drum with my head in my arms crying, weeping for these children. I was filled with a Love and a desire for these kids, I knew now that this was the confirmation I had been praying for. The Lord did exactly what He needed to do to send me on this path, He broke my heart for the children that I will be going to disciple, He broke my heart specifically for them.

So now starts the final preparation of raising support and preparing to go to Guatemala with the Love of my life to do the work of discipleship in the lives of the children in Liga de Vida Nueva (New Life children's home). This is going to be hard but I trust the Lord to lead me in the right direction and I trust Him to take Ashley and I through any challenge before us. I know this is crazy but here we go, we are going to Guatemala for a minimum of 2 years while facing the challenge of a newly wed life! But we Love Jesus and we Love each other so I think we will make it standing bright and strong for the Lord. I believe the Lord is taking us in this direction and I intend to obey. 

Mathew 28:19-20-- "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Where would I be without the Gospel?

Where would you be without the Gospel? It was a question asked in our young adults bible study. Its a question I have asked myself before, a question that brings me to one of my fears. My fear of being who I believe myself would be without Christ. I think this is a important question that brings to light the importance of the gospel in our lives.

I know that for some people its hard to imagine what they would be like because they were saved at a young age. But I was saved at a young age and i believe I have a pretty good idea who and what I would be.. I have battled it throughout my life.. the choice to pursue the life that I know I would accomplish... A life lead by myself and not the King I serve now... Making myself king... Ever sense I was a little kid I have had a sense of leadership, and others always fallowed. I never had that struggle in my life of not realizing that I was a leader and not liking people fallowing or depending on me. I accepted and embraced it. I wanted to lead others into something great, this was my dream. This dream was not exactly something I just decided I wanted to do but something I thought I was called to, something I was meant to do. As I grew older I began my debate on weather or not I was going to be a leader that lead from within the law or if was going to be a leader of the underground and not be bound by the laws of our society and culture.

So started my struggle with how to still be good but be underground. I was going to be a leader of my own clan. I am a very medieval and mafia style man and I believed in a hierarchy system and I was going to create and lead one. It would have started with my closest friends and I would have built up an earthly thrown. I would have been involved in all kinds of underground, I would have stolen from the rich, I would have taken in the poor, I would have began an empire. I would have stolen, destroyed, and killed. Whatever was necessary for the ones who fallowed me to be safe and strong. I would have defended and fought for this. And probably eventually moved into another country where I could reach more people.  I would build an earthly throne and I would not be a man to oppose. Sure I probably still would have been a good person, stood for what I thought was right, I would keep the peace and bring forth what I saw as justice, but really it would all be empty. All this that I would build, the people I would help, the things I would accomplish would all crumble.... It would all be in my name.. Worthless... Yeah I may not know if any of this would actoully happen, I mean weather or not I believed Gods will still would stand in my life but I do know that would be my goal and purpose. I would bring select people together to protect and provide for a kingdom that I would raise.

But now I see the eternal, I see Jesus and His Love for me and what he has done for me. He died on the cross for me so that I could be with Him in eternity! So that I could be redeemed, adopted, raised up from the dead, glorified, and placed as part of the bride that is the church. I can do things for the Lord that will echo into eternity. I can serve a King greater than I. I can find true Justice in the Lord. I can be a stronger force with the Lord than if i had an army of thousands. I am now part of something bigger than my lifetime and bigger than this world even. Now I can go out with instruction and guidance from the one who is greater than I, and do things that will effect eternity and give people what they really need. Not just solve their temporary problem but show them a great King and provider. I can show them the reason I can do truly good things without selfish motive or gain. God is Good all the time. And I thank Him for His Gospel and His work in my life.

Mathew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

The Honeymoon Stage?!?!?

People say that me and Ashley are still in our honeymoon stage. They say that this will pass and more challenging things will come. The say the excitement will calm down, and we will fight. They say we are just on a high and we will come down sooner or later. Its not going to be this lovey forever. You wont talk like that to each other like that after your honeymoon stage ends. Bla Bla Bla

This is where I ask the question why? Why does it have to only be a honeymoon stage? Why cant we be like this throughout our relationship? Yeah things get hard and we argue and fight but why does that mean that our Love has become different in its ferocity? If anything it should increase, because through these conflicts through these hard times we strengthen our Love and our understanding of God and each other. Who’s to say that I wont romance her all the days of our life? Yeah is that allot of work and does that mean I go out of my way allot of times to do so? Yes, yes it does and I want to, because every time I see that beautiful face blush and smile its all worth it. I want our relationship to be different than the normal, why cant I strive for something more? I want to make her feel wonderful with almost every breath I breathe. Does that mean I don’t bring up hard issues? No of course not, that wouldn’t be loving her. I’m not saying avoid the hard stuff or the stuff that isn’t exactly “enjoyable” I’m saying that why does the extreme passion and excitement have to leave for that to happen? Yes it becomes more serious but I still have a overwhelming love, a desire for her. I want what’s best for her and if that’s correction that’s what I do and I do it in a way that is biblical and caring. Am I saying we will never be mad at each other? No! that would be ridiculous and fake! But I want to work and fight for our love and who says that cant be exciting and passionate!?!?

I strive for a different relationship than I see in allot of couples. I’m not saying that the way I see other relationships is wrong and I’m not saying “YOUR RELATIONSHIP SUCKS!” No I’m saying I want our relationship to be different. I don’t want to reach that point where our Love has become “normal” that I hear some couples talk about. Why does it seem so impossible to have the Love that I’m striving for? Why is it always only seen as something that can not be grasped in reality? I want to inspire other couples to a new level in their relationship, to strive to be in a constant romance.

 Yeah you can probably put me in the hopeless romantic box but I refuse to believe that its hopeless and nothing but a fairy tail. I strive for a love similar to the story of “The Notebook” (I know calm down and listen to the rest) those two loved each other and didn’t limit themselves by saying there is a level of Love that cant be reached. It's a real story with real people, if unbelievers can reach a Love like that then why can a God centered one be?!?! I want my marriage to represent Christ and the love and passion that He puts forth, a limitless Love and Passion. We never come to a limit when it comes to falling in Love with Christ! If my marriage and relationship with my Love, my wife, is supposed to represent the love of Christ for the church then it shouldn’t be limited or become “normal.” It should be full of discovery of new levels of Love and full of passion, every day my Love for Ashley grows into a level of Love that I never knew before and that’s how my relationship with Christ is or should be as well, although some days I admit I suck but if I see this in my relationship with Ashley it makes me strive for that in my relationship with Jesus it points me to God and I Love that! I want my Love for Christ and my Love for my wife to run in parallel growth! As my Love for Christ grows I have more Love to give to my wife! Its so amazing how my relationship with Ashley has grown my relationship with the Lord because of the comparisons. To know the indescribable Love that is overflowing in the dams of my heart for Ashley is nothing but a glimpse of how much the Father loves us?!?! It’s brought a whole new understanding to me about the Love of our God. I never want that to stop, I never want to stop seeing something about Christ in my relationship with Ashley. Realizing that our relationship revealed that makes me fall even more in Love with Ashley. I want our relationship our marriage to constantly have this back and forth with our relationship with Christ, both benefiting each other and giving more for each other. It’s the key to making this Loving relationship that I strive for work. If Christ isn’t the driving force behind it I know it will fail. For any of the Love that I have the privilege of pouring out on Ashley comes from Him first.  And Its always to show me to show us more of Him and who He is, its all for His glory weather its through the Love that he aluminates through my Love relationship with Ashley or if It’s through a verse that shows me how to better Love her. My Love for Christ shows me how to better Love Ashley and My Love for Ashley shows me how to Better Love my Savior Father God and King. That’s how I plan on living this out…. Lets see how this love story goes 

Little Things That Make The Whole Summer Worth It

At the end of this middle school Wilderness week at camp one of my campers wrote me this thank you letter,

"Dear Shaun,

Thank you!! Thank you for all of the sacrifice of your time to keep me in check by telling me to shut up when I'm running my big mouth, to stop having attitude, and for not slapping us like you could have many times. Thanks for talking to me about my life and my problems , and also for praying for me. This week you taught me so much about God and His message. You inspired me to put aside my differences and my "False Idols" and read my bible and pray. That Thursday night when you took your night to stay outside and pray and talk to God. That made me feel so good. Because that inspired me so much! I definitely think that you have done what is carved on your bracelet that you got from your girl. (Ashley... Wait you already knew that's her name shes your girl. so yeah!) I am so glad that you could be here with all of us this summer. You are awesome. And even though we stress you out sometimes you still pull through for us and you are still awesome. I hope that you have a great time touring the country with Off the Wall and have a great time in life just in case I never see you again. Thank you again for the bracelet it means allot to me! And one last thing keep being awesome, kind, cool, thoughtful, cheerful, thrifty, brave, and many many MANY more things, keep being the christian you are!"

My camper handed this to me on Saturday morning after I woke everyone up to start our last morning together. It really toughed my heart and I was amazed my the words of this twelve year old child. I Love all the kids I get during the summer and the little things like this, the moments where they see more of Christ and change their lives, make it worth it. My ministry this summer at the camp has been an amazing summer where the Spirit worked mighty things in the hearts of many every week. My bracelet says "Inspire" and I have told many that that is my job, my job is to inspire others to Jesus. It feels so great to get this thank you letter and be reassured of my work this summer.  Praise the Lord and to Him be all the Glory.
   

Life Guard

Sorry I have not had time to gather everything from my weeks at camp yet, now I am on week 3 and the Lord is being shown to many. I will try and get more out but here is a taste of the start of my journey.

Life Guard training, a experience that I truthfully have feared for the past 4 years sense I started working at camp. You see I have always herd all the stories about how hard and intense it was this made me want to take it and prove I could do it! This was a fear that I wanted to conquer, this is the story of my Life Guard Training.

I guess I will just have to start at the beginning, that would be life guard training! Life guard training is the first time us counselors as a staff meet and bond together before the rest of the staff get here. We all go through life guard training together get pushed physically and really get to know each other. Meeting everyone went great we all seemed to get along well right from the start. It was a strange network of friendship, almost everyone had a friend working here with them, and somehow all of us friends were friends with each other in some way or another, very hard to explain haha. Life guard training was going to be fun and great phyical challenge and I wanted to conquer the small fear I had of failing..(I’m like 2% body fat.. AKA I dont float!)After little instruction the first thing we did after we got there was swim 300 meters! Not going to lie this made me realize that all that running I did a few months back had defiantly did nothing to prepare me! I was dead tired and the next test was right after.. So as we moved to the brick test with my chest pounding and lungs gasping for air I knew this was going to be hard. For the brick test there is a blue brick at the bottom of a twelve foot deep pool, first you have to swim to the other side of the pool then back to where the brick is, dive down get the brick, swim back to the other side then back to the side you started on! Everyone who went before me either failed or barely lifted themselves out of the pool.. I really wanted this and seeing that its challenging really gets me going, makes me want to conquer it! So when my turn came around my blood was pumping and I was ready! I jumped into the pool and started swimming, I swam down to the other side and was soon treading water over the brick. I took as deep of a breath as I could and went down……… I only got down about nine feet before I ran out of air. After rushing to the surface I tried to catch my breath. I tried and tried but couldn’t get more than a small gulp of air. My chest was wrenching and was pounding with pain. My heart was racing and i slowly realized that there was no way I could finish the test.. I was angry that my body was quitting on me, I was angry but I wasn’t about to let this test take me from this pool so I got enough air to say I’m getting out and started to try and swim to the ladder. When I got out of the pool I began explaining my heart condition. You see a few years back I had a similar problem in football, My chest gets tight I have trouble breathing and there is more pain than I have ever experienced. From what I have been told My heart starts beating so fast that I should be having a heart attack and a pouch around my heart inflates creating pressure in my heart and lungs. They asked me if I wanted emergency care and i said no, you see I don’t have health insurance and I don’t make enough money to really pay any medical bill. They gave me oxygen and soon told me they called emergency care any way.. Soon both me and the instructors agreed that I should be in another room so I don’t worry the others and scare them away fro the test. on my way I became very nauseous and grabbed a trash can and yup you guessed it puked up breakfast… At this time the paramedics have arrived and I’m sitting next to the trash can on a bench. As I was being asked questions my new friend Lincoln came over i asked “how you doing man?” he responded with and “all good” then proceeded to puke into the trash can as well lol it was quite a funny moment I thought. Now as I’m strapped to the gurney it really begins to sink in that I’m not going to be able to concur this fear of failing… I began to try my hardest to hold back tears and I felt the feeling of failure sinking in. After my short ride in the ambulance I sit in a room in the ER alone wires and stickers suck on all over my body. I just sat still disappointed, angry, and sad. Tears began to roll down my face as I sat wet still in my swim suit in this hospitable reminding me of this terrible restriction called my body. I began to long for my glorified body and Became disgusted with the sin filled limited body I had now. Soon a doctor came in and asked me some questions, I told him the same thing I told the others earlier. he said we were going to take some x-rays and after he finds my records we will see from there. I soon again sat alone watching doctors and nurses running back and forth past my room.

After a small while my good friend and boss Jim came in, one of the nurses earlier told me that he was on his way, that comforted me a little. Jim began to make funny statements like “they going to give you a monkey heart?” witch made me laugh and calm down a bit. The he asked me how I was feeling and I kind of broke down. “I hate it that it’s not me quitting! It’s my body I literally cant do this and I hate that!” “I hate that I can’t just go back and try again!” I’m so thankful for Jim in my life for he at this moment began to speak truth to me. He began to tell me to stop getting mad over this and figure out what to do next. After our little talk he went out and called my mother and my sister for me to let them know I was in the hospitable and then came back in to be with me. After a bit a financial adviser came in to talk with me. You see I don have health insurance and soon Jim and I were informed that workmens comp was not going to cover any of this sense this seems to be a pre-existing condition. So now to add to the mix I have been reminded of the medical bill that will be soon on its way. God provides and I’ll let Him take care of how I will pay for this so this was out of my mind soon.

My mother and my sister arrived and Jim said he was going to check on the rest of the staff sense they were now having lunch, so he left me in the care of my family and the hospital. My mom said that she was sorry that I have to go through this pain again. She knows how much it hurt me mentally and spiritually last time. But by now I was back rejecting reality. I was cracking jokes and my mother proclaimed that only would I almost die then be joking around smiling and simply wanting to get out of the hospital soon after I arrived. The doctor came in and did exactly as I expected and told me nothing new, advised me to check up with a doctor and see specialist just like the other doctors said the last times. I already decided that I wasn’t going to the doctor because I didn’t want to wast any more time just to be told they found nothing new. I wanted to continue with life and not sit idle run up a bill and possibly be told there is nothing they can do for me. So I checked out and Walked out of the ER still shirtless in my swim suit, medical stickers sill stuck all over my body, still slightly wet from the pool.

I got dropped off back at Life Guard Training and met back up with the staff. They were still having lunch when I arrived, I hugged my mom goodbye and joined my staff. Everyone was like “He’s alive!!” haha I told everyone I would live. I still had the stickers stuck on because they stick on very hard and they feel like pealing off duck tape, so soon began the game of “Lets see if we can make Shaun feel pain!” all the male staff grabbed a sticker and counted down to pull fast and quick. A great roar from me fallowed my laughter by everyone and myself. It was a great way to be welcomed back. Lunch was over and we began our walk back to the pool and back to training. This walk through these halls was a interesting feeling of slight shame for I knew that when I walked back into class I was walking in as someone finishing the course and only becoming certified in CPR and First AID, not being able to pass the whole class.
The rest of my days went I passed CPR and First  AID with flying colors and the rest of the class passed as well. Allot happened in this one day and I’m still dissecting and processing it fully. but what I do know is the truth, the truth that God uses everything for His good, my good times and the times where I fail. He will use it and He has His reasons for limiting me here and now. I still struggle with finding peace in this specific spot of my life but I just remind myself that this life is not mine. I have given it to the Lord and His will and sometimes I will not understand it but thats okay I have faith that my Father is good.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven”

Roller Coaster

Well sense coming back to Michigan things have been quite the roller coaster. Really every day has had extreme highs and some pretty low lows.

Reading my Bible every day became a difficult task but luckily I had some projects set up for myself that involved studying some scripture so that helped me stay on track. Some unexpected drama has entered into my life that I didn't expect but I have some good biblical and wise mentors around to help me through. Really speaking truth and giving advice that only wisdom and experience can give. I am grateful for them.

It hasn't been all bad like I said some extreme highs are in there. First of all is my relationship with this wonderful and beautiful woman Ashley. Ashly really brings a happiness to my heart and soul that really is impossible to express with simply words. I wish I could but really all of you dont really want to hear all that mushy stuff so I'll spare you (be thankful). Ashley has me pushing myself in the word more and more because I know that to lead her correctly I need to know Jesus and His Word. I see so much Love for Jesus in her that it inspires me to keep on the good fight.

Another happy note is I have been reunited with my great friend Sir Ty Dups. He makes me laugh so much and makes every day an adventure. We have serious Jesus talks and really ask each other hard questions about life and God. I really Love this guy.

Working early at the camp has been great for me also. Puts me back in a biblical environment and I get to do work with my hands, witch always makes me happy. There is nothing like reaching the end of you day and sitting down completely exhausted and know that you did good work. And the best part is it's not just a job, this place has a heavenly impact and I'm so glad to help improve, repair, and prepare this place. My hands get all swollen and my body aches but I did my work for the Lord and there is nothing more satisfying. Literally feeling and knowing that I gave it my all. I'm excited for the summer camps to start and really do what I came here for, I came to pore into every kid and inspire and lead them to the Father, to Jesus, and to the Word. It's a big responsibility but I think I have been prepared, I have been given my lion and my bear (refrence to the lion and bear that David slain before he faced Goliath) 

Lastly was this last night when I got to see most of my Off the Wall family! They called and said they were going to be in Michigan for a seize the summer show and wondered if I could make it. Well like I was going to pass up seeing my close biblical family? No! So I went and it was great to see everyone :] It lifted my heart to see them again it feels way to long sense I left. But I will be returning after the summer so I have that to look foreword to :]  Don gave a charge that night from the stage to everyone he had pored into over the years. I really needed to hear the charge to keep my head up and continue the good fight and contend for the faith. I Love Don.

Jude 1:3 "Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints" 

2nd Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

The Relationhip Status

   So yeah two days before I left Ohio I decided to get into a relationship.... PFFTT YEAH AND TOTALLY WORTH IT! ASHLEY IS AWESOME!! Yeah shes like approximately 350 miles away, and about to be approximately 1,647 miles away, and yeah shes goin to Guatemala for 3 years starting in January to work at a children's home and love little Guatemalan orphans. But she Loves Jesus and she is totally worth the pain of being apart. I would rather call her mine and be separated by mere distance than to regret not asking this amazing woman, to be a special part of my life and my walk with God.

   Allot of things I read today pointed me to think about us and our journey to our relationship as well as our now started relationship. One was a quote I read on tumbler it read "When we first met, I had no idea you would be so important to me." That is a great way to describe my feeling about when we first met. To be honest I thought she was cute but I didn't go to Off the Wall to find a woman so really the thought that she would be more than a girl at Off the Wall never really set in my mind. I mean heck the first time we really met she was at the guys house knitting with Jill while we watched a movie. I had no clue that as the months passed that she would become more and more important to me.

   The next thing that pointing me to think about our relationship was the new book I'm reading that my pastor gave me, its called "Just Do Something" by Kevin DeYoung. Its about finding God's will, or more about doing something instead of using the excuse of "waiting for God's will to be revealed" to not do anything. Any way this is the quote I want to talk about "We should start looking to God- His character and His promises- and thereby have confidence to take risks for His name's sake." When I thought of going for Ashley I was so afraid of it not being "God's will" and me messing up both our lives. This consumed me in fear and made my life increasingly stressful.. I wasn't reminding myself of the truth and promise that He works all things out for His good will (Romans 8:28). God doesn't tell us every step to take,  I like what Ashly told me tonight while we talked about this book a bit "..was a step of faith for me.. not knowing how things will look or come to be but trusting that God can make it work and happen." Sometimes its a step of faith.

   And I wasn't taking God's character into consideration, God would not make our lives miserable because we decided to be together He wants us to find Love and I find nowhere in the bible where He tore two people away from each other forcefully ending their relationship for a reason as "not being His will" If its not His will it wont happen! And if He so will's it He can end it, but that fear should not be the reason for not acting. I went through quite allot in my pursuit of Ashley but in that pursuit it put me in a place where I learned so much about God's will and character. And as we continue together it is a continual lesson that I am learning more and more about. To be honest a relationship with a beautiful woman that pushes you in your relationship with Jesus and your knowledge of the word and God's character, What else can you ask for?!?! I have never felt a push to have a better relationship with the father than when our relationship started, I need to have a good relationship with Jesus before I can lead this relationship with Ashley. I'm so thankful that she is not a distraction from God but a push to be more like Jesus. I thank Jesus for leading me to such a woman :)

   So yeah this is and extremely long distance relationship and it's going to be hard and full of heart ache and troubles I'm sure, but we know that communication will be a very important part in our relationship and that God is bigger than these miles between us. We know this relationship seems crazy to believers and non-believers alike but we are often described as crazy anyway so thats no big deal. I could go on and on but I know most of you don't want to read all that sappy junk :] so Ill end with this, I'm really happy and proud to call Ashley my girlfriend and I'm looking forward to our future.  

Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Learning

Well sorry I haven't posted in a long time... I have been busy ending the semester with Off the Wall getting time in with everyone before I leave, and unexpected family problems. Then I decided to start a relationship at the end of the semester adding a whole new dimension to my life, but this one I like. All of this demanded allot of my attention and this blog was something I just didn't have time or energy for. But for the next few weeks I'm be back!

As the semester came close to its end I have seen so much improvement in the way I handle things now. I handle them with more confidence in the Lord. I remember more of the promises of God (provision, heavenly security, ect) A big thing has been remembering God's Character. When I fear the situation Jesus has placed me I now ask the Question "Is it in Gods character to do that to me?" It helps me put things into perspective. It reminds me that Jesus is not trying to hurt me! All to often I think we think that what we want and what Jesus wants cant be the same. We might not think that directly but we fear Jesus taking things away from us. God doesn't just take things away, when he does he its for our own good. Our father wants the best for us. Much like when we are children and our parents take something away from us, we kick, scream, cry, and pout. But our parents don't just take something away to make us scream they have a reason, to remove a problem, to stop distraction, to exchange with something better.

but remember if it is good He wont take it away! We need not to guard anything from Jesus. If you fear something being taken ask yourself "Would it be in God's character to do this to me?" "Is there a place in the word to back that up?" The fear of God taking away something can also hinder us from taking it at all! But remember if its good He wont take it. If its something we shouldn't have I think you know you shouldn't have it, a temptation or something that you know leads to sin. But thats different, I'm talking about something you want but the only thing stopping you from getting it is the fear of God taking it away. I don't think thats right, He does not want to deny us blessings.

So if theres something you want, or something you want to do, and the only reason for you not getting or doing it is fear of getting it taken away, STOP LIVING IN FEAR! It could be stopping you from accepting or receiving a great blessing. Think about it, if someone wanted to give you money to help you live would you reject it because your afraid that Jesus will take it away from you? Is that in God's character? NO he wants the best for us and He's not out to make things worse. Remember God's character.

Love Jesus 

Mathew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

God Abba Father

I Love

I Love loving Jesus with friends

I Love connecting with people

I Love meeting new people

I Love seeing that someone cares about me

I love to be pushed

I Love the Word and its impact on my life

I Love my teachers

I Love what God provides

I Love where He moves me

I Love that He will bring me back

I Love Joy

I Love God's will and not my own

Thank you Jesus for all that you have given me, friends, family, and your word. I know I leave this place for but a little while and I thank you that I will return. Thank you for the mission of this summer and I pray that glory, honor, and praise be lifted to you as I do the work you have given me.

"Oh how He Loves us!"- How He Loves, David Crowder Band

Joy and Maturity

I know this may sound strange but I'm really proud of what I have become. It is truly amazing to look at my transformation through Jesus Christ. Seeing my changed thoughts, attitudes, views, perspectives, anything the Lord will's to change. I'm changing because I have deeper understanding of the Word, more knowledge of who Jesus is, and a biblical community of friends(now family). Through all of these I was revealed a deeper Love and Joy never before felt or expressed in my life.

My Love for people and especially children has grown parallel with my deeper Love for Jesus. Witch I think is Biblical in reference to the two greatest commandments  Mat 22: 36-40 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Our Love for humanity as a whole should be looked at through the eyes of Jesus! He Loves us without conditions! I Love Loving people!(yeah I know that sounds funny). Really I do I'm at my happiest and filled with Joy when I'm Loving people. When I'm playing with children, when I'm talking to that person who's hard to understand, when I'm taking that neighbor blankets because I noticed he had no bedding to sleep on, I'm most happy when I'M BEING OBEDIENT!

I've really had a revelation with Joy! For some reason before I didn't understand Joy. I barely knew the difference between Joy and happiness. I was told they were different but never really had it explained to me until I understood (for a little more on what I learned about Joy look at my last blog). This year during trials I hung on to the Joy instead of quenching it. I was confident that Jesus was bigger and I believed in His promises. It made trials so much easier, I processed through them with reading the word, seeking and listening to biblical counsel, I tried to look at my trials through a biblical perspective. I looked at what the Word told me, reminded myself of truth, and shared my burden with my brothers and sisters. Keeping Joy gave me a clear head, I was able to work through these trials with as little damage in my wake as possible. Finding the wisest decision and confirming them with counsel, Joy is truly amazing. Having this reminder and some new lessons about Joy has really encouraged and strengthened me to do more.  I could wright more but I need to go to bed...

Psalm 16:11

"You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Yup Joy

Well something is for sure and that is that God is workin in me to make me more like Him and His son Jesus Christ. Joy is an area that I needed encouragement in lately and happily the encouragement and challenge to have more Joy has been present. I friend told me the other day that she was praying for me to have and further understand Joy. I'm so happy I have this community that Jesus has brought me, the Spirit uses them often to help me become more like Christ. And tonight my discipler gave a lesson on Joy. It was exactly what I needed because my hold on Joy was weakening. I just wanted to share some little notes I took tonight, I don't want to go super in depth or give a lesson of my own on Joy I simply want to share a few reminders about Joy that I needed tonight.

Joy

 Its an attitude not a emotion. Its not a "feeling" but a choice to believe. 

Its knowing that all things are going to work out in the end regardless of the circumstances. 

Joy is not situational

Joy is a manifestation of Hope in Jesus

Joy is a fruit 

If we do not have Joy we are quenching the Spirit 

Pray for Joy and Obedience 

Galatians 5 :22-26 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."

  

 

This Guy is like Cake!

Last night Tal a great new friend of mine invited me and Chris to a show that was in a giant studio apartment. This place was possibly the coolest place I have ever been. Wide open space, rough looking walls kinda broken down, rustic looking, a busted piano in a corner, and lamps as stage lighting. There was maybe 25 people there and let me tell ya this crowd was crazy diverse. There was hipsters, bearded lumberjacks, stoners, drinkers, hippies, cool people with no real description of their style, and people that just looked crazy. This night was nothing short of a experience.

The greatest part of this night was just letting go. Letting go and not caring what I looked like. We all just danced like nobody cared, because really nobody did. We all let go because this man Calvin Johnson. This man was the lead singer of the final band and he was the strangest of us all. Before his band performed he wondered the entire show wearing these earmuffs and just kinda acting strange. When we found out he was the lead singer for the final band we all got excited to hear what music could possibly come out of this man, pure curiosity and excitement. When the moment finally came we were blown away. If you know the band Cake you have something to compare this man to. It was fantastic music and the environment he created was pure happiness and acceptance. Chris put it best when he said "who cares what you look like when this guy is dancing and acting like this!" This mans dance moves can only be described as silly and free. Think of all those dance moves you made up as a kid and now think of an adult doing them. Ha ha it was great his great act of foolishness made us all comfortable to dance like we wanted because simply put we could not dance funnier than this guy. This night was so much fun and I will never forget it.

After we left the show Chris and I thought about Jesus coming there. We think Jesus would go to places like this, where there people are lost but accept others. A place were people are really just trying to find happiness in really a peaceful way. We couldn't figure out what He would have done there exactly ha ha, we don't know if he would have stopped the show or enjoyed the performance and shared a message of true life to them after the show. We don't know, but what we do know is these places are hard to find among christian circles. This level of acceptance and lack of self consciousness. Everyone today is to afraid of looking like a fool! and because of this boldness is lacking these days. I see it even in myself there are so many things I don't do because "I'll look funny" and to be honest thats not okay! "Since we have such a hope, we are very bold" is said in 2nd Corinthians 3. We are not of this world any way so we already look and act strange to the worlds eyes so why do we fear? Fear not and learn from these people have compassion and dern it don't be afraid to let loose and dance every once in a while!

A Series of Unfortunate Events

"What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may, in fact be the first steps of a journey" a quote I read this morning from the book and movie A Series of Unfortunate Events by Limony Snickets (Daniel Handler). The quote popped up on my tumbler and it's just all to fitting for my life right now. In the past few there has been "a series of unfortunate events" happening. I don't want to go into detail about these events right now because really this would turn into a reallllllllly long blog and most of you would have trouble reading through the entirety of it.

So moving on, I have been trying to discover what I'm learning through these events and also observing myself as I try to handle them (I know crazy concept right? Literally watching and taking notes on yourself?!). Well by working though these "events" and observing myself it put me in a place of reflection. I see how I've matured in my walk and relationship with Jesus through how I handle these "events."I'm seeking more biblical counsel, praying better, and seeking not my will but the will of the Fathers. Regardless about how I "feel" I want the will of the Father above my own wants. He knows what I need and He loves me.

Another thing that has been brought to light through these "events" is that I really struggle to let people in, to really let people know me and help me. I'm much better than I was before Off the Wall but there is still much mystery around me. What I mean by that is there is still allot that my good friends here don't know about how I grew up, what my family and I have been through. All the pain and suffering my family has endured together. Betrayed by family, friends, and even by some good standing people in the church. My mother sister and I have a very lose bond because we are each others only constants besides Jesus. Not to say that Jesus isn't enough, no that's not the issue. the issue is that we have trouble becoming bonded to other people outside of our group in such a way that we show our true emotion and express our real needs. One thing we have gotten good at is concealing our pain. So good in fact that we even when we want conceal it from each other. Nothing is shown unless we want it to be.

This is so dangerous! Its shields us from getting help from people, we take the weight by ourselves. Burdens that God does not want was to hold in. He wants us to express our pain to our biblical community and ask for help and prayer. God is enough yes, but he uses His servants to help as well. So I'm trying to be open about my pain to my community, seek wisdom from them, and be comforted by them. I love them I should let them love me!

So I'm working through these "series of unfortunate events" with my community not on my own.

Ecclesiastes 4:10-"For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"

Spread Love

Melvin is the name of a child that I have herd allot about but have never met. He is an orphan in Guatemala and now been diagnosed with Leukemia. A very good friend of mine went down to the orphanage where Melvin lives and had the opportunity to serve there. During her time there she grew very close to Melvin and he holds a special place in her heart. She is planing on returning to the orphanage to serve for three years soon and its hard for her to get this kind of news and not be able to phyically be there and help. Melvin reminds me allot of the kids I helped serve in Honduras and it's sad to get this kind of news about a child. He has been in my prayers lately and even though I have no physical connection with Melvin my heart go's out to this child. Prayer is the main way we can help Melvin because we know the only one who can truly do anything about Melvins condition is Jesus. He is in control and He Loves Melvin more than we can imagine. So I ask you to read the messages about Melvin below and keep him in you prayers. Help me spread Love and Prayer for Melvin. Thank you

Message 1

We are sending out this message as an S.O.S. for prayer. Our four year old Melvin has been sick for about a month and in the hospital for 2 weeks. They couldn't find the reason for his fever and pain. However today, after a second bone marrow aspiration, he has been diagnosed with leukemia. The doctor says that it is very treatable, so we think that it is acute lymphocytic leukemia. He will be transferred soon to the cancer hospital.

His home mother, Bety, has been at his bedside this whole time except for a couple of nights and brief spells during the afternoons. They only have a plastic chair beside Melvin's bed, so Bety is exhausted as well as emotionally drained. We have some of our oldest girls who have spelled her each day for a few hours. The government hospital where he has been is very primitive in comparison to what we are used to, but we have had to pay very little for all the testing they have done, so we are thankful.

We don't know exactly what is coming next, but we know that this is going to be a long road. We are trusting the Lord that Melvin will recover, but it all feels pretty overwhelming right now, as you can imagine. Bety is the home mother for the older girl house with 10 girls. She also has taken on the task of caring for Melvin's baby brother, Angel David, who was born in December. Bety has no children of her own, but she has a true mother's heart for these kids. We will need extra help to cover for her during this difficult time, and there is no extra in our budget.

Thank you for your prayers and support. It encourages our hearts to have so many standing in the gap with us. We will keep you apprised as we find out more of what is in store.

Message 2

Dear Friends,

I just wanted to let you know that we don't know whole lot more about Melvin and the kind of leukemia he has. As I mentioned in my last message, everything pretty much shuts down during Holy Week. We had hopes that he would be moved to the cancer hospital today; however, we discovered that he has a bacterial infection ("klabsiella" for you medical folks), and they will not receive him in the cancer hospital until he is cured of that infection.

This is particularly frustrating since his defenses are down and he got the infection in the hospital. Did we mention that the hospital where he is located is the Pediatric Hospital of Infectious Diseases? With a name like that, infections are rampant indeed!

On top of that, doctors have not been able to tell us for sure what kind of leukemia he has because the results are languishing in the closed down offices of the hospital somewhere. (Do I sound frustrated?!)

Melvin has had to have a couple of blood transfusions in the last few days, and he feels poorly most of the time so we would appreciate your prayers for him and his pain and comfort levels. He's also a very normal, active, 4 year-old boy which means on top of everything else, he's bored to tears. This hospital has no TV and does not allow any electronics (like a small, personal DVD player). We are able to rotate in a few toys, puzzles, and books. This is not meant as a complaint as much as to give you an idea of how to pray more specifically knowing something of the situation and also the challenge for his home mom, Betty, and others who are caring for him.

Many folks have asked how they can help. We can use extra donations right now to just help with logistics--extra gas (2 round trips a day to the hospital which is about 30 to 45 minutes one way), meals, increased cell phone charges, etc.  We feel that we will have to hire another home mother to take over Bety's other duties, while we continue to pay her. This will be about $325 per month extra.

There are two ways that you can give:

1. Online via our website using Paypal. You can use your credit or debit card or if you have a Paypal account, you can set it up to debit from your bank account. Go to this link on our website: http://nlch.net/#/ways-to-give. Click on "Donate securely online to NLCH!" and you will be taken to a page where you can enter your donation information. Be advised that though the donation will go to NLAI for NLCH, there is no way to designate your gift for Melvin, so email me the amount of your donation at wgfwflute@gmail.com and we'll track it, making sure it is used as intended.

2. You can send a check to our Houston office. Make your check out to NLAI and attach a separate note designating your gift for "NLCH-Melvin". Mail to: 

New Life Advance International

P.O. Box 35857

Houston, TX 77235-5857

So to summarize, pray...

...for healing from the infection so he can move soon to the other hospital

...pain and comfort levels

...against boredom

...for Betty and the older girls who are staying with Melvin

...extra dose of prayer for Betty and her spiritual, emotional and physical strength

...doctors and a clear, on-target diagnose and solid treatment plan

...provision for all expenses

Ultimately, we are asking for healing, however our precious Lord wants to do it!

Thank you for standing with us. We are thankful!

Blessings,

Wendy

NLCH Team 

BEING OKAY

God has been pushing my obedience and my faith lately. It has me in a crazy emotional state and really its a painful process. I'm being guided to decisions without explanation or illumination of the plan ahead. For a while it made me mad with God, but the difference was I still wanted to be obedient. The reality is God's will is above my own and His will is better. Even if at this moment I'm not happy with this decision because I selfishly want immediate satisfaction. I wish I could say that I just easily gave it to God and was at full peace with His will and truly satisfied with waiting. The reality is my heart breaks and this situation is hard, my desire is strong and my emotion overflows. But the truth is God is bigger than this, and His will is above and better than my own. One day I believe He will honor my obedience and I will be blessed, this suffering will be reworded. I Love Jesus and I have given my life to Him and sometimes I need to remind myself of that. He will bring me my blessings in the proper time, all He requests is obedience. All of our decisions have consequences even the decision to fallow His will.

I will be okay, God is good And Jesus is greater.

I'm no longer mad at God. I cant see where this plan leads, besides the broad term of His glory. Witch there is nothing wrong with that I need to be satisfied with that answer. I may may know why these things happen in the future but there is also a possibility that I will never be given an explanation. You know what I don't need one. I trust in faith that Jesus is who He says He is and that His spirit will guide me and continue my sanctification. 

Psalm 31:14 "But I trust in you, O Lord I say, “You are my God.”

 

Walking

"Yup body feels like I was hit by a truck and tumbled across the road a bit and my feet feel like they were chewed up by an animal" that was a tweet of mine from last night. When I'm stressed and I need God I like to go on walks. Kinda like how Jesus walked to a special place in the garden to talk to God before His crucifixion. A place to be alone and to seek God. Sometimes I just walk until He tells me to turn back. Like last night, ended up walking all night.

The last week has been a really stretching experience for my relationship with Jesus. I haven't been able to see God's purpose behind His will. He's has just put me through things that I just don't understand. I cant see the purpose and not being able to see the big picture bothers me. It's tested my trust in Jesus and His will. Allot if reminding myself that His will is best and His will is pure. He will not lead me into failure. He will not take me to a person or a place just to fail or get hurt. He has a reason and He has every right to with hold that reason from me if He chooses.

I feel much better about these things now. I have comfort in Jesus and I trust that my obedience will be reworded. I may not be able to see why he had me do this now, and I may never know until eternity, but I'm trusting Jesus. I Love Him and I know He Loves me. Mathew 7:7-11 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" He will give me the desires of my heart Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." It hurts sometimes but God is still Good. Jesus will always be Jesus, He will continue to be Holy Just and Divine. Sometimes when I cant see the big picture is challenge God's character out of frustration and for that I am sorry. I'm happy that God doesn't listen to me or change because I am unhappy with Him. Jesus Loves me, He loves me. I will keep the faith and Love Him. 2nd Timothy 4:7-8

I know

I know I haven't been posting this week and believe me its not out of laziness. Really I'm praying and working through things that really are close to my heart. I don't know exactly when I'll start up again but lets shoot for next week

Yup

My friend Jill posted this once and well it fits perfect for me right now


"sometimes the best thing, is just to talk to God. especially when there is a lot on your mind. not blogging, not speaking, just talking to God. He knows all, and is in control of all, so why not just talk to Him. and believe in His power.
Only God."

“For the Kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power.”
1 Corinthians 4:20

Songs

Psalm 47:1 says "Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!" 

This was the verse I read first thing this morning. And to be honest it is what was on my mind all day. For the past week or so singing to the Lord has been something has been uncontainable. The Spirit has really been bursting forth and riling up more joy than I have felt in a while. Some songs play and I literally cant stay still or be quiet! I have to move and sing out! Tonight Chris and I sat out on the porch and sang praises to our God. People passed, smiled at us but kept on their way. Others looked at us with much confusion, it was hysterical to see the puzzlement in their expression. Its nice having a bunch of guys who can play guitar in the house. All I need to do is get a cajon and the band is complete... Oh well I'll just slap my thighs until I get one. "SHOUT to GOD with LOUD songs of JOY!"

Questions

We ask God allot of questions. Here are a few I've been asking here and there-

So where from here God?

Is it time?

Is your answer still to wait?

Where do you want me?

Am I doing this right?

Where am I lacking? 

Am I to go or stay?

I don't think it's bad to ask God questions. Although I think the motive behind the question needs to be correct. I try not to ask questions to complain. Along with that we need to be willing to not have an answer to all of our questions. God does not answer irrelevant questions, sometimes we just need to have faith and wait for His timing and submit to His will. Right now to be honest I'm not getting allot of answers right away to some of these questions but I'm okay with that. I have been asking God for more Love for Him, more Faith in Him, and Knowledge of His Word. Right now I am reaping the benefit of asking for these things that bring me closer to Him. So I'm content with the answers He gives and I wait in faith for the timing of the Father for the rest of the answers to come. God is Good

Ask and It Will Be Given

Matthew 7:7- "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

Today

Sometimes we over look God's grace of today. The simple fact that we could go to sleep and awake again in the morning. The simple grace of life. I've just been reminding myself of that today and Just Loving Jesus.

Psalm 3:5 "I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me."

An Important Verse

I just finished Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I was truly blessed by God's timing with this book. What I mean by that is this book has been a great encouragement to me. All the lessons in this book, challenges about loving God and loving people, were lessons that I was already working through and applying in my biblical life. The lessons and my studies here at Off the Wall have brought me to a place where I have been able to hear the Spirit like never before. Being truly enlightened to His will, and to His love. It was such an encouragement to read and see that I'm on the right path. I know that last sentence can sound prideful but know its not said in pride, its said relief. Relief from worrying if I'm not interrupting things right, to know that I really am living and improving. It truly is amazing to see what God is forming me into. And His Love brings me to tears.

At the end of his book Francis lets things off with this verse 2nd Timothy 4:7-8 where Paul says -

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." I think I'm making this my new life verse. A reminder and encouragement of that glorious day to come. I want to be able to truthfully say at the end of my days "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. I put my foot down and stood firm" That would be my greatest honor. 

A Repeating Prayer

"Lord, I know you call me more than simply being in a better place than so & so was at my age. You hold me to a higher standard, You hold me to be like Your Son my Lord Jesus Christ. That my God is my goal."

Through out my life this phrase has been spoken to me "You are is such a better place than I was at your age, I was all over." (referring to my choices and my spiritual life). I know they mean this as a compliment but really why are you comparing yourself to me? My goal is not to be better than others my age, or even better than other people when they were my age. My goal is to live a Christ driven life. That holds no slandered to any man. I am not to be compared to, why compare filthy rags to filthy rags? I know people mean well but that compliment gives nothing to God, it praises me for "my actions" and "my choices." I do not want to rob God from any glory or praise! 

1 Peter 4:11-"whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."

Darkness

Well for the past week I have been living in this three floor house by myself.. so at night not gona lie this place gets creepy sometimes! So last night as I walked up the stares in the dark on my way to the light switch this came into my head, so after I got what I needed I wrote it down. Just a little poem

Fearless Light

This darkness why must I fear

This fear this darkness

Where dose it come from

It comes not from the Lord

So why do I fear

For I am a child of the light

Sent to illuminate the darkness 

Sent to stand atop a mountain

Sent to shine so bright that all who see have no choice but to look for the source

The source that is my Lord Jesus Christ 

The giver of grace

The giver of light that shines so bright it sends darkness into hiding

   Light that causes darkness to quiver

He the only one worthy of glory

For Him and because of Him I shine

This light no darkness can consume 

So what do I fear

Listen to the Lord your God 

Hear His Holy Spirit

Do not fear

 

Adventure Time With J

So this morning I was going to go running but when I got up it was raining... so I went back to bead. Soon to be awoken by sir Jay pounding on my door. It was a nice surprise to see him. After I invited him in he asked if I would like to hang out today and well HECK YES! I've been in this 3 floor house all by myself! Any excuse to get out and enjoy a friends company I'm taking it!

Any way he took me over to his place and made me breakfast and coffee. This was already a good start. We talked about how each other got connected with Off the Wall and talked about it's potential future. We talked about all kinds of theology and doctrine as well (if you know Jay you know what I'm talking about). After we ate he asked if I would like to go to the airport where he kept his plane and where they repaired and prepared missionary planes. Wasn't about to turn that down so we headed out. After checking the weather we went over to where he stored his plane and he asked if I wanted a ride, its gona be bumpy. Now this was a small 2 passenger single prop plane... I LOVE RIDING IN THOSE THINGS!! You feel everything all the wind and well I'm a bit of an adrenalin junky so the sketchier the better! Now to make things clear there was nothing wrong with his plane, perfect shape and working fully. It was just a small plane on a semi windy day (for my mother who reading this was probably freaking out about the line above here). It was so great to get up in the sky again. This was my third trip in a small plane and I love it every time. There is just something about seeing this place from a higher prospective. not only seeing the beauty but also seeing how small this spot of dirt we all stand on is. It brings a lovely prospective. Well after we landed Jay gave me a tour and we went around looking at all the planes and talking to various people.

After we left there we went back to his place had some humbling target shooting with his pistol (AKA I SUCK AT HITTING A HAND SIZE TARGET WITH THAT THING) he took me home. It was a nice day. I really learned something about Jay today, he really loves sharing his wisdom and knowledge. Really weather it be directions to how to get where, where to buy what, whats going on where, and most of all what he knows about the bible. He loves taking what he has discovered and sharing it with all who will listen. I like that about Jay. Hes someone that I like having biblical discussion with and I love that if its a hard issue he dosent beat around the bush so to speak. I'm thankful for Jay here at Off the Wall as our Biblical training director.

Tony

Today I met Tony, (one of the crazy people who live next door) he came up and wanted to throw the football around a bit. It was pretty cool! Also this was the first time I could understand anything coming out of this guys mouth! lol Normally its just "GWAAAAA MA GOO" and then one understandable word like "gremlin."

This evening a friend texted me and wanted to hang out so when he came we walked down to the coffee shop and walked back to sit on the porch and talk. It was such a nice day neither of us wanted to be inside. Well as we were talking I herd some grunts and sounds coming up behind us. I had a hunch it was one of our neighbors, when it's nice they kinda hang out by their doors. Now you see this made me a little nervous because most of the residents of these apartments next door have mental disabilities(you never know what the cray people gona do.) Well to my surprise it was Tony (didn't know his name yet). He stood there with a slowly deflating old football staring at me. So I asked "You want me to play catch with ya? " He smiled and shook his head and ran back a little ways so he could throw it to me. 

Now like I said earlier I never really had much contact with Tony. Most of the time whenever we see him he was opening his door and yelling impossible to understand words than slamming it and running back into his house. We would see him pacing in his apartment at night sometimes as well when we would come home after dark.  We would just shrug our shoulders and keep on with our day. 

After throwing around the football around a few times he pointed to my friend and made a few more grunts. So I asked "You want my friend to play?" He shook his head yes again and threw me the football. But right after he threw it he went back inside his apartment and left the door open. So me and my friend passed the old pig skin around a bit and a bit of time passed by and we soon realized that Tony was not coming back out. So I got the football and I told my friend that I was going to take the ball back and thank him for letting us play with it. So I went inside and Tony was sitting there is his chair seemingly just waiting. I said "Thank you for letting us use your ball." and then I herd the first understandable sentence from Tony he said "take a seat, sit down." I told him 'I have company so I cant sit and chat right now but I will soon thank you." then I asked "Whats you name?" and he said with a grin on his face "Tony" he said it loud and proud. Then he turned eagerly and asked "whats your name?" and I said "Shaun". I thanked him by name this time then turned and left to go back to my friend. 

It was really cool to meet Tony and I'm interested to see why the Spirit has brought us to together. I'm looking forward to talking to him later. It was a perfect time for applying what I read through today in Crazy Love, it talked about the passage in Mathew 22 about the day of judgement "For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’"(vrs. 35-40) I looked at Tony and tried to see him as Jesus and welcomed him as a stranger. I saw a man seeking friendship and although he looked rough I was not about to turn away when as a believer I bear the image of God. I'm going to try to represent Jesus the best I can to Tony. So if you could would you pray for Tony? I don't think he knows very many people. Looking forward to possibly hearing his story and getting to know him a little more.  

Psalm

Crazy Love by Francis Chan lead me to read this today and just Loved it and made it my prayer 

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you;

my flesh faints for you,

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,

beholding your power and glory.

 Because your steadfast love is better than life,

my lips will praise you.

 So I will bless you as long as I live;

in your name I will lift up my hands.

 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,

and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,

 when I remember you upon my bed,

and meditate on you in the watches of the night;

 for you have been my help,

and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

 My soul clings to you;

your right hand upholds me.

 But those who seek to destroy my life

shall go down into the depths of the earth;

 they shall be given over to the power of the sword;

they shall be a portion for jackals.

 But the king shall rejoice in God;

all who swear by him shall exult,

for the mouths of liars will be stopped.

A Day To Yourself

Well today I was all alone. I literally had no human face to face conversation, except my crazy neighbor who sometimes opens his door and yells some form of words at me.... I just smile and wave haha. But yeah besides that no real conversation. It really had me focus my day around prayer. As people came to my mind today I just prayed for them, thanking God for them. Now looking back on my day it kind of reminds me of Paul as he prayed and wrote to all these people and churches. Praying like this has shown me how my love for people is growing along side with my growing love for God.

Today was a nice day full of cleaning, singing, praying, and reading, all by myself. To be honest I didn't think I could sing all these worship and praise songs by my self without just wishing everyone was around to sing with me. But I did and it was joyful.

1st Thessalonians 2-10 "We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction. You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake. And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. For not only has the word of the Lord sounded forth from you in Macedonia and Achaia, but your faith in God has gone forth everywhere, so that we need not say anything. For they themselves report concerning us the kind of reception we had among you, and how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God, and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, Jesus who delivers us from the wrath to come.

Highs and Lows

I have been on quite the spiritual high the past two weeks or so and it has been really great! But I have noticed I'm goin down a bit. The past few mornings it has been really hard for me to focus on God first thing in the morning and doing my devotions have been a bit harder to get into. I think these lows right after the highs are times where God is testing our faith. I believe like in Job God is allowing tests and trials "And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? " I think He dose this to test our faith past the "good" times. I welcome these tests! Lord may I show, or may I see, your greatness through my weakness! I love realizing that God is pushing and testing me, that means He is pushing me to be more like His Son Jesus Christ. Making me better to produce more fruit for His Glory. Realizing that my faith is being tested helps me continue on the right path and have Gods blessing. I know that even if I fail He will use conviction to discipline me and like it's said in Romans "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." But I think we would all agree that we would rather have Gods blessing than His chastening. Just trying to keep my gaze fixed on the things of the Lord.

Love God, Love the Word, Love people. Remember the goal of being more like Christ Jesus.

Just on Fire

The Lord has just been raising up fire and excitement in me lately! I have been in the Word and my prayer life has improved significantly. I've been reading in Psalm, Peter, Ephesians, Corinthians, Mark, I've been all over!! All of this is showing me how to better Love Jesus, Love people, and Love my community. Being intentional in my relationship with both God and man. Reading about biblical friendship in Ephesians, seeing a poetic expression of the Lords perfect law in Psalm 19. AHHH I LOVE IT! Screaming out worship of our Great and Holy God, and just boldly standing for Him. Having biblical conversation and really enjoying it!

On another note Kony 2012 has been something that I'm feeling a passion for. Kony 2012 is form an organization called Invisible Children, I fallowed them a few years back when they made their first trip to Africa and its cool to see their growth and progress. I have such a passion for the defense and Love of children that this issue really pulls at my heart. So spreading the word about this and doing what action I can.

All of this has just awaken a passion inside and my love for God and my love for people is growing like a fire! God is Good. I'm so excited while writing this so if nun of this makes sense I'm sorry. 

Up and Down

Some days are both mountains and vallies. the day can start off great and rool down hill and possably go back up the mountan. Just got to remember that God is good through all of it. I cant wait to simply bask in His  light and feel the wormth of His shining glory.

Revelation 4:8 .."Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,

who was and is and is to come!”

  

Awearness to Moving Action

This morning a friend of mine posted a video from Invisible Children called Kony 2012. This video sparked a fire that I haven't felt in a while. It sparked inspiration to how I can do so much more to impact the world and spread the Love of Jesus in so many different ways. Loving Jesus by showing His love to people. Any way it inspired me to do more than I was doing.

One I'm going to spread more awareness of such problems of this fallen world. For one of the enemy's biggest schemes is the evil that is just swept under the carpet unnoticed except by the people directly effected. When I see people who want to do something but just don't know what I want to be able to point them in the direction of a few organizations I support. (Orphan Outreach, Invisible Children, ect.)

Secondly I'm changing/restricting my wardrobe. I am only wearing shirts that I have from things I support or have supported. This includes mission trip shirts, bands I support, organizations I have worked with or supported, ministries ect. I want what I wear to start conversation talking about what I support or the experiences I had working with an organization or group. Spread awareness of these groups and to be a walking billboard for these things I support. Bringing a purpose to even my dress.

Now I have 4 or 5 exclusions I kept but my closet is cleaned out and I think I'm going to dress like this for the rest of my life. Its a small thing but I feel lead to do so. Anything to further inform the world of why I live or do the things I do. I do them to bring glory to Jesus because I love Him. I love Jesus and so I love the people he has created. I will do what I can to help people and to point them in the direction of Christ. There is so much more I want to say but it 1:00am and I do have to get up in the morning so I guess this will have to do. Watch the video and find something or someone to support. Help people help people. I know that sounds funny but do it.