knowledge

Biblical knowledge is something I have been seeking sense I found my identity in Christ. I looked back at my christian upbringing and saw all the time I had in church, Awana, youth group, and realized I had only listened to the bible and read so little of it myself. The effect of this was I felt inferior to allot of christians. I never felt like I could have biblical conversation because I could never tell you where in the bible I was referring to. It was so defeating to have to rely on the ones around me to tell me where the major events of the bible happened (the flood, Moses, the plagues on Egypt, ect.) I felt like I wasn't a real believer. It hurt my security very much and I also saw myself as a useless christian; outside of doing service.

My next stumbling block with knowledge was the fact that I really struggle with memorization. I think this is what turned me off to reading the bible in the first place. It was so pushed to just memorize memorize memorize and I couldn't do it. even as I grew older memorization was so hard for me. I remember my junior or senior year in high school my church was doing a mission trip to Montana to help a church next to an Indian reservation. Now one of the things we were doing in the group was memorizing a good chunk of scripture. I remember sitting in my room crying my eyes out because no matter how hard I tried it just wasn't happening. I felt so worthless, I thought to myself "you are so stupid! you cant even memorize three verses? what kind of christian are you? your not going to be able to go on this trip because you fail to meet the standard." Even now simply mentioning that there is memorization freaks me out inside. I know God is bigger than my failure to do this but every time I try and try and I end up in tears defeated.

I know what the bible says, can I say it word for word no but I know what it says. I have discovered that as I fall deeper and deeper in love with Jesus that I also fall deep in love with His Word. And with this love I read more and as a result I know more and as a result of that I remember more. So its a slower process that "simple" memorization but I think God has pushed me this way so I keep reading his word. If I was to have memorized scripture in the past it would be so hard for me to go back and study it. I would feel like I already "know" it. I have realized that the best way I can Love Jesus is to know Him. How do I get to know Him? I read His word. It helps my relationship with Him so much and I know nothing is more important than that, my relationship, likeness, and Love for Jesus. All I need has been given to me through the Spirit and through His Word. Both point to Jesus. I know Jesus dose not see me as a failure He loves me and has great things in store for me. I pray that I never stop reading the word so that I can always know how to love Him better.

Matthew 22:37 "And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."