Death

One Wednesday night I was at my college bible study and a silence came over the room, some grave news was spoken to the group. Ethan had hug himself early that morning. This was a boy close to my age and we had a conflict in our past that ended our friendship. We didn't shun each other but we didn't hang out or do anything together anymore. He was socially awkward and didn't get along well with the many people so when our friendship ended I worried for him a little. Later I herd he found a group of friends similar to himself and I no longer felt bad about leaving him. He later stopped going to our church but he would sometimes go to his old church so I just assumed he went there. It wasn't long after that when he really left my thoughts. And that brings us back to where we started, here on this Wednesday night. Back in the silence, my mind went to how our friendship ended and I found myself looking back on the ministry I had in his life and how bad any of that was damaged when our friendship ended. We spent the bible study time praying over this situation and for his family. I remember my pastor saying something like this "I know he is with you now lord" and It made me think of him standing face to face with Jesus. I became jealous! I started to speak in my mind praying to God "Why is he so lucky to see you face to face now? Why do I have to keep living on this rock and trudge through this sinful place?" "Why cant I come home and see you yet?" And I remember getting my answer, "Shaun I have great plans for you and your work is not yet done." That answer was clear as day inside my mind, and inside my soul. I started crying at this point but not over Ethan's death, why would I he's with Jesus in heaven! what there is to be sad about? Sure he took his life selfishly into his own hands but nun of that mattered now because he was in eternity! I was crying because I wanted to be face to face with Jesus! I wanted to bask in the Light of His Glory and no longer be troubled by this world. Later my mother and I went to the funeral and as I sat in a chair in the funeral home I started thinking about how I really cant sympathize with any of these people here with sad faces. I have never really been effected emotionally by death. I don't feel that sharp pain inside twisting my guts and pulling my tears down my face. because of this I find it hard to help anyone who feels that pain. I cant sympathize at all, I have no clue how that feels, death dose not effect me so. All I feel like I can do is remind them (if they are saved) that they are in a better place. I can be someone who can be leaned on but when it comes to talking about the pain of death I am just not the person to talk to. I will try my best but like I said I cant sympathize.  

Death never really bothered me. Growing up I cant remember being really that sad over the death of anyone. I don't know if it was just ignorance or something that God gave me a strange peace over. So with that I can not sympathize with the painful grieving proses that I see in others. The shock of our life being able to be taken never bothered me either I haven't really taken life for granite. I do not fear death because I know where I'm going and that excites me more than it could root up fear. And I know that if God took me then he would take care of everyone I left behind, so I will not worry for they are in the best hands.

1st Peter 1:3-9 "(3) Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, (4) to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, (5) who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (6) In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, (7)so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (8) Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, (9) obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."