Sometimes

Sometimes you just need to talk to a brother or sister about struggles your having. Admitting that something is trying you and talking about your process of resistance. Sometimes its not even for advice its just to vent and have accountability. Sometimes its just good to get it out to someone. I think its good to talk about the little battles sometimes. Battles that may have only been for a moment or even a few hours. Sometimes these little battles are preparation for a much larger battle in the near future who knows? Sometimes I'm just thankful for a community that I can just grab someone and go for a walk through a snowy night and talk. Talk and have real conversation, conversation that matters, conversation about us and Jesus. 

phone

Well this is my first post from my phone so thats kinda cool. Anyway I'm on a trip with my discipler and a few guys from the ministry and there are two things going on on this trip. One is our regular thing where my discipler go's up and speaks with a possibility of bringing one of us up to give our testimony or a small personal lesson that applies to the topic of the night. Then we have an extra workshop where we are explaining discipleship to youth leaders. Now thats the part I want to focus on. Its really interesting to be in this position. One in this workshop I am the example of a disciple. When explaining situations where things were difficult my discipleship is what these things are being tested. This has been a good reminder on the expectations and all the intentionality behind everything my discipler dose or says. "imitate me as I imitate Christ" as said in 1st Corinthians. Tonight I was reminded why I chose to submit and be discipled by Don Stubbs, because he was the most like Christ that I have seen so when being more like Christ is the end goal its great to have a Christ like discipler.

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Connection

God has blessed me with the ability to stay connected with people. The ability to still communicate and have a relationship with friends in other places. I have realized this in my time away from Michigan and I thank God for this gift. But I realize that with this gift comes responsibility and opportunity. I have the opportunity to share what I'm learning and be a light to them. I have the responsibility to speak biblical truth when they come to me with troubles or concerns. Reading Corinthians has helped me in this, seeing how Paul wrote to the Corinthian church and shared his wisdom and knowledge of truth.

I'm happy and thankful to say that this truth was revealed early in my time here. Although my time here has done nothing but better equip me to do so. Having so many lessons in Corinthians and seeing a form of discipleship from long distance has sown me that I can still have or that I do have an impact in people even if I'm not physically present.

1st Corinthians 1:4  "I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus,"

Pressing Conversation

So in my time here at Off the Wall there have been many conversations where someone in the group notices something about me (through conversation, discussion, or whatever) and we decide to dig into it. This is where community is bitter sweet. In moments like this where the investigation on to why I feel as I do or act the way I act I'm uncomfortable. I'm either aggravated or vulnerable witch is two emotions that are well UNCOMFORTABLE! But this discomfort brings out profit. It helps me know my actions or feelings better and helps me understand myself or it reveals a weakness that needed to be revealed. I'm thankful for my community and we haven't had this situation in a while, I don't know what that means but I think that as I become more and more intentional in my conversation these situations will continue to pop up.

Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."

Poem

Well last week in one of my classes I had to write a poem. I had chosen the word contentment and so that was what the poem needed to be about. I wrote this poem with how this word applies to me now and to be honest I'm impressed with this poem. I've never really wrote poetry before but this might become something I do every once in a while. So here it is!

Contentment

Beautiful hair kissed by the wind

A sun wormed body smooth and soft

She grasps my hand gentle and firm

Who is this that pulls me

She bites her lip and looks me in the eye

Looking into the soul of another

I see passion love and compassion

Strength in beauty even a love for God is present

I see a face but do not know

Why do I lust so hard

It is not my time I have been told

My mind is consumed with this future gift

Why am I not content

The Lord is more beautiful

The Lord fills me with more passion than lust

His love grace and peace holds tighter than any grip

Contentment in the Lord

Nothing can fill His place

The gift will be given the love will be had

Jesus is enough His gifts come in His will and timing

Poetry

 One of my assignments this week was to write a poem. Now to be honest this freaked me out a wee bit. You see in school I never really understood it and well I didn't ask for clarity either. I never saw myself writing any poetry, but I'm learning that God seems to bring us and use allot of things I thought I would never do or never do again. He has been teaching me to not restrict myself in what He can use through me. If God wants me to do it I'll do it, I will leave my pride trampled behind. Pride gets in the way! The thoughts of "I'll look dumb" comes not from God but from the enemy! There are still moments where my pride is in the way but one day this flesh will be defeated and this pride of self will be no more.

Besides I kind of liked writing this poem... I'll probably post it next week after I present it for class. I would sooo rather do this than write a five page paper!

Mark 21-23 "For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

In My Mind

Today was one of those days where I was pretty internal. I don't know if this is good or not but it happens every once in a while. When I'm like this I do allot of inner seeking. I look at my thoughts, I look at my past and I look at where I am now. I guess I go through a deep self analysis. When I'm like this I talk to God allot in my head and I ask allot of questions. He to be honest doesn't answer allot of them haha but I know He's listening and only answering the ones that need answers. In the past when I was like this I would doubt my faith and wonder If there was a god... I'm happy to say that is no longer a problem! Now He's really the one I talk through and process my mind with. If you could see the Image in my head it would look like this, Me and Jesus literally walking through this world that is my mind, It's spacy and sometimes there are mountains, sometimes there are oceans, other times we are just standing on a cliff looking out into this world. There isn't allot of what I would call "conversation" its allot of me just putting questions in the air and Jesus commenting or answering every now and then. It's like me and Jesus are on this journey with no destination. I don't think there is a destination.. I don't know I'm still kind of processing this and still in this mode as we speak... I know I'm leaving this kind of without an ending but if I had an ending I would give it.

 I have had some people ask me if I'm sad or ok when I get in this mode so I guess there is some out word difference but I'm not sad I guess I'm just so deep inside that I don't even think about my expression, my posture, or anything. I can get somewhat anti social but don't take it personally I'm just thinking, really thinking, trying to figure out who I'm becoming and sometimes finding goals or things I need to change.

Sorry if this makes no sense to you