How Are you doing.... Mentally?

How are you...

-Mentally

When I was an Intern at Off the Wall Ministry we would have these meetings once a week where our leaders would ask my fellow interns and I, "How are you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually?" They are great reflection questions that let you evaluate how you were doing, as well this small room of listeners then could look for ways to help support you where you needed it. I really haven't found any better questions that really just cut down to the truth of "How I'm doing." These questions take a level of trust and honesty that really should only be heard my those closest to you in committed community. But right now I just want to share an answer to the first part of these questions. 

How am I doing mentally? 

Right now mentally I am struggling. Im fighting to stay focused, every thought feels like its on the end of a rope that is constantly being pulled away. My mind feels cluttered and unnecessarily complicated. I wish I could maybe describe that last sentence better but thats what fits. This chasing after thoughts is making me mentally tired and I find myself cleaning out my mind. Before I know it I find myself just siting there with an empty mind. I don't like it, it feels lazy and unproductive. I think I may be mentally giving up. My mind fills with temptations and darkness. I desire to think as Philippians 4:8 instructs but I just feel clogged up by darkness, so I stop thinking because I think that is somehow better. Mentally I shamefully feel defeated today. 

Right now I need to stand firm and remember my Holy Inheritance. I need to be in prayer, for as I now see this mental state comes when I am not in regular prayer. I need to ask for a filling of the Spirit of God that grants self control. I have the freedom in Christ to break away from this darkness and I must live in that. I need to stop living as though I am alone and lean on my life partner, my wife.

Lord forgive me as I have fallen. Your Grace is an amazing mercy that grants me life. Oh how great is your Love that you pour it out on me, Lord make me Holy as you are Holy. God you are good, may I dwell in your presence and enjoy you. The blood of Jesus has paid the cost and He is glorified. Lord continue to shape me and form me for your Glory. May I live as the man you have purposed me to be. Lord your will be done.

Amen